The texture of my life are not as static as ago. The last, almost, week, all I’ve process in my severely mangled Right Temporal Lobe has been why didn’t I study, read outline and prepare my presentation for this morning. There was no presentation, it was just me required to lay on a table and wait for the tech to make the machine to do it’s thing. No amount of preparation would change the results of this test except one thing; if I had allowed my reaction to the LEE(Life-Ending Events) had been rage or hate I’d have fertilized that growing at times Grade IV and Grade II Oligodendroglioma to grow like a weed cut, with no pesticide applied, you’ve seen what I mean, maybe, you cut the weeds with the push mower, manual or self-prepared, it rains a day later and 14 hours after that you have 13 4′ weed stalks where you just mowed over 1 3′ weed stalk. That’s what I believe my cancer would do if I watered it with Hate. As hateful a fkr as I can be, especially when I was ‘wronged’ and thought I needed defending, or even if I was wrongish ,but the wrong I experienced was ‘unjust’. I’m saying I’m vocal. If I like it, Imma tell you. If I don’t like it, you guessed it, I’m talking about it.
Sometimes this is part of me I want to change, then there’s the other 23:59;30 of a day when I love that I am me.
TO all those that need me to hear that God will restore everything that was taken from me, thank you. I know that, I want you to read me type ‘this’ to you. He does indeed restore losses, in the currency of His Realm. I’ve loving joked at most good fortune I’ve had since the nightmares began that His CC monthly statement is Stupid High, but I thank Him just the same….actually the restoration I’ve been most grateful for are the emotive ones. The ability, after MUCH kvetching and wailing to develop a deeper understanding of “Turning the other cheek”, “Forgiving for real” and expanding a 10 minute interaction with another Human Being into years of a connection. Really, I’m not living like I was dying. I am, matter of fact, I was instructed that I wouldn’t get off the table. Before my spiritual eyes fully opened, Iwas already determined to get off that table (spoiler alert; I didn’t…..they shoved me onto a gurney and wheeled me into recovery, point is I kept breathing. I know I’d be worried if I didn’t have the adorable Browns.