Shit I thought about once I finally accepted that Parker and Cameron are Thieves. Shut up, they ARE. They stole my option to check the gates and jump out of this Amusement park. I KNOW it ain’t the goodplace, I’m Michael, get it. That’s obscure and if you got it, good for you. They did what I said, they stole my ability to check out before the train reaches the station. I’d call them bastards at this point of the post but you know….the divorce mitigates them being bastards…nshit
I know what it is. It just flooded in on the way back to Abilene, I got it. Buddha say Life is Suffering. The Tao is the path to diminish, ease or maybe remove Suffering.
Release Attachment is the ticket.
I have not since 9/6/2013 released two attachments. I refused, maybe I still do.
I activate a business account. And I create another flag.
I was asked what it matters. It matters because people in a job mostly wanna stay in that one until they can promote up or hire away to a bigger paying gig, then as most do, they wanna retire in it. So why would they ever want the process to lose customers/Clients/Inmates/Criminals. Grind ’em up and release them to return.
In my Decree, pretty as you please, right there on page 1, CS is $XXX, payable on the first. And every First after. Then reading on the 24 things I gotta do. But I ain’t doing any of them, I refuse. I don’t have to do them because my sons mother is paid by my Uncle and your. State say that ain’t how we do it, I say, Grow Stronger.
And then on page 14 is a ‘statement’ my xxxx atty (frm Atty) you got the credit. And we had a trial the judge ruled, he signed, it’s law.
I still say I’m fucked. Someone is gonna look at page one and enter that on my file in Austin, but there is NO place to enter a perpetual credit. Hours, Days or weeks later someone looks in the system or at a report and says what’s up with this dood??? Process in government begins and I hire New Atty and court rules weeks or years later that well okay, and State, you pay your costs, Mr Dumbass you pay yours. Gravel bangs down until the next time I’m on a report and the loop repeats.
So if I release attachments (Cam, Parker and my fantasies of what I want to do with them, where I wanna do it, What I want to give them. I just write that off. Get the fuck over it Boy, you were supposed to die that day, if you don’t like this, you shoulda done that. moron.
My ImRight Meter is off the scale. The xxx Frm Atty Said things with witnesses present that he either flat out lied or is a complete simpleton.
Same with the Judge, he said a plethora of things in court that are either NOT in the Decree OR 190 degrees different in that POS decree. The Decree is not the TRO. It’s worse. So all that swore if I didn’t get represented quick or I’d be screwed are stupid. I got representation and I got screwed worse. And for the bargain basement price of $350 I can pay someone that has already done this work, the $350 is just a bonus to them in addition to what they are already paid.
Or I can not pay them, just know that I’m accurate on my audio memory of xxxx Frm Atty’s comments and Judges statements in court and keep the $350 in case I ever decide to treat my alcoholism with Alcohol.
I could refile, for 80K I don’t have, maybe I get a deal and it’s only 3500 I don’t have.
Or I could do the sane thing. The Buddhist thing. See IT for what IT is. I refuse to accept it and I refuse to do it. So since I don’t hate those Sons, I release attachment that I can rise above my disabilities and do something.
I’m getting good at eating shit and letting go.
I tired to build a life that my abilities brought no asset to the table that could make it anything other than an attorneys ATM, no pin required, take what you need, then come back and get what you want.
My Neuros and Oncos so horrifically under documented my case facts it only took two letters for Cigna to discontinue my benefits.
Germainia Hasn’t had or felt a need to solve the easy part of my claim for almost a year.
I have almost nothing compared to me in 13, so when the Rapture comes I won’t need long to rub my prized treasures before heading out. Most of you civilians are fawked.
I don’t mean to completely pushaw my spiritual and intellectual abilities. My ex and I had a Loooooong call the other day and it was positive, at least not negative. There is no active hate there.
So what’s the big deal, just let go, right? I have built entire civilizations in my dreams of things to do and how to do them and what color shirt to wear doing it. I have to live a life where if I get to do this or that, great if not great.
You see, it’s simple, But not easy.
In addition to all this, everyday, any day I have the chance to think…”Is this the day the packet in my Brain explodes? Was last weekend or 2 weekends ago, was that the last time I’ll see Cameron or Parker? How will they turn out? What will they be like. And on days I think that, I think everything else too.